To Collapse

Escaping destiny was a luxury granted to the heroes and main characters of their lives. For us, who were victims of misfortune and pain, it was a fantasy.

I was a firm believer in fate. The universe decided how your life turned out and you had no say in our life. And I hated it.

My role was to act as an emotional buffer for my family members. Whether my mother needed someone to hear her rants about her ex-husband or my older brother needed a verbal punching bag, I was available.

I never fought back. Because if I did, my insolence was rewarded with a week of isolation in my barren room. I saw that as my punishment for challenging the status quo.

Outside my house, my identity was unknown. My character was completely defined by my shyness and nothing else.

If this was a comic book, the popular cheerleader would be the main character, destined to find happiness in everything. I wouldn’t even be a extra worthy of lines.

As I sat down in my seat at the back of class, I caught someone staring in my direction. The guy glanced over me and focused on the blonde girl in front of me.

My mouth contorted into a scowl instantly. I buried my face into the elbow of my sleeve to hide my anger. For the rest of the day, the annoyance from this morning simmered and festered into something more dangerous.

I clutched the pocket knife in my right pocket. Everyone passed me, oblivious to my presence or my intent. Before I could bring out the knife, I halted.

Did I have it in me to murder another human being? Was I capable of burying a knife in someone’s heart and watching them bleed?

My hand travelled to my mouth, and I felt the rising of vomit in my throat. In the bathroom, I let it all out. The energy seemed to seep out of my body, causing me to collapse. My shoulders slumped, and my hands pressed against my eyes to prevent the onslaught of tears.

My future was uncertain, my present was a hell in which I was bounded to, and my past wasn’t something to brag about. At this point, I was better off never existing in the first place.

At the end of my time, nowhere would be there for me. Even the people that I called my family were going to be the ones to abandon me at the cusp of death.

That truth scared me more than death itself.